My wife just stopped and said, "You weren't even listening were you?"

I thought... "That's a pretty weird way to start a conversation."

If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions."

The next time there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"

If anything is on your mind, get it off your chest.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Don't wear headphones while vacuuming; I've just finished the whole house before realizing the vacuum wasn't plugged in.

I'm not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.

Askhole: A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.

- Stephen R. Covey

"The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless."

- Unknown