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College Jokes

  • college Mount Union College OhioDid you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter's college education?

    As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker,

    "I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?"

  • brick courtyardWhile a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

    "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide.

    "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

    When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, my friend asked our guide: "So what's the answer?"

    The guide replied: "One."

  • A professor's questionA college professor asked his class a question.

    "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"

    One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said, "Professor you're 44."

    The Professor said, "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"

    The student said,

    "You see Professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts."

  • antique gas pumpsAccording to statistics, last year over 17 million American families paid a lot of money for things that looked funny and didn't work.

    Seven million of these were antiques; the rest were college students.

  • studying aheadTwas the night before finals, and all through the college,
    The students were praying for last minute knowledge.
    Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds,
    While visions of essays danced in their heads.

    In my own apartment, I had been pacing,
    And dreaded exams I soon would be facing.
    My roommate was speechless, his nose in his books,
    And my comments to him drew unfriendly looks.

  • footballMorris a young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. 

    At the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport.

    The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at Notre Dame ?"

    The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!"