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travel puns

  • Belly Bank

    wallet2Money Belts: a waist of money.

  • Bridge Pun

    bridge in dcIn Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions.

    Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem.

    The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.

  • City Envy

    ohio mapEvery time someone says, "Happy Columbus Day!" Dayton dies a little inside.

  • Clever Politics

    caesarHow was the Roman Empire cut in half?

    With a pair of Caesars.

  • Cruise Pun

    cruise shipMen, if you went on a cruise ship during your summer vacation and you met a woman and fell in love, here's some advice my wise old Uncle Waldo once told me:

    "There's a 50/50 chance that someday you'll wind up very she sick."

  • Dig that Cocoa

    pyramidArchaeologists excavating a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts.

    They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.

  • Flight Memories

    plane passenger windowA round-trip plane ticket: Boy, that really takes me back.

  • Good Place to Live

    swiss flagWhat's so good about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag's a big plus.

  • International Bar

    night clubAn Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan and an Ethiopian went to a night club.

    The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."

  • Irish Toast

    couple on dateA guy and a girl are having a drink together. The man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!"

    "What's that mean?" asks the girl.

    "That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast."

    "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."

    "Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's that?"

    The girl says, "That's French toast."

  • Lumberjack Travels

    lumberjack wood"Be a lumberjack: Saw the world."

  • Massachusetts Shorts

    car w driverKhakis (n.): what you need to start the car in Boston.

  • Milestone

    milestoneMilestone: Throw a rock 5,280 feet.

  • Nice Kids

    children3No matter how kind you are, German children are always kinder.

  • Pensive Parade

    bullPensive Parade: Running with bulls is a really stupid idea... when you stop and think about it.

  • Standard Difficulty

    flag britishPoorly folded flags: Worst Furled Problems.

  • Train Fuel

    train steamA steam locomotive passing through Poland one night was running low on coal. The engineer said to his fireman,

    "We're coming to a town, let's stop and send the porter out to get more coal. Can you see the name of the town on the depot sign?"

    The fireman replied, "It appears to be Danzig in the dark."

    And the engineer shouted, "Buy coal, Porter!"

  • Transit Bait

    bus interiorIn order to catch a bus, one must first learn to think like a bus.

  • Travelling Suit

    airplane1A man who sued an airline because his luggage went missing... has lost his case.