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travel puns

  • wallet2Money Belts: a waist of money.

  • bridge in dcIn Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions.

    Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem.

    The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.

  • ohio mapEvery time someone says, "Happy Columbus Day!" Dayton dies a little inside.

  • caesarHow was the Roman Empire cut in half?

    With a pair of Caesars.

  • cruise shipMen, if you went on a cruise ship during your summer vacation and you met a woman and fell in love, here's some advice my wise old Uncle Waldo once told me:

    "There's a 50/50 chance that someday you'll wind up very she sick."

  • pyramidArchaeologists excavating a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts.

    They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.

  • plane passenger windowA round-trip plane ticket: Boy, that really takes me back.

  • swiss flagWhat's so good about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag's a big plus.

  • girlWhen it comes to Conversion Tables, this one will take the cake!

    - Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

    - 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton

    - 1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope

  • night clubAn Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan and an Ethiopian went to a night club.

    The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."

  • couple on dateA guy and a girl are having a drink together. The man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!"

    "What's that mean?" asks the girl.

    "That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast."

    "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."

    "Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's that?"

    The girl says, "That's French toast."

  • lumberjack wood"Be a lumberjack: Saw the world."

  • car w driverKhakis (n.): what you need to start the car in Boston.

  • milestoneMilestone: Throw a rock 5,280 feet.

  • children3No matter how kind you are, German children are always kinder.

  • bullPensive Parade: Running with bulls is a really stupid idea... when you stop and think about it.

  • A funny Irish punWhich country’s capital is the fastest growing?

    Ireland’s. Every year it’s Dublin.

  • flag britishPoorly folded flags: Worst Furled Problems.

  • train steamA steam locomotive passing through Poland one night was running low on coal. The engineer said to his fireman,

    "We're coming to a town, let's stop and send the porter out to get more coal. Can you see the name of the town on the depot sign?"

    The fireman replied, "It appears to be Danzig in the dark."

    And the engineer shouted, "Buy coal, Porter!"

  • bus interiorIn order to catch a bus, one must first learn to think like a bus.

  • airplane1A man who sued an airline because his luggage went missing... has lost his case.