I personally stay away from health foods. At my age, I need all the preservatives I can get.
- George Burns
What do they put for 'hair color' on the driver's licenses of bald men?
If I had known how successful I was going to be, I wouldn't have worked so hard when I was young!
"In dog years, I'm dead." - Unknown
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever; so far so good.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford; then I'll move in with them.
I was born to be wild, but only until around 9 pm or so.
Kids today don't know how easy they have it: when I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
Sometimes my age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
Another "World's Oldest Man" has died; this is beginning to look suspicious.