Salesman Jokes

  • car oldIf the car ad claims these items, it really means:

    - rough condition = too bad to lie about

    - parts car = beyond repair

    - immaculate = recently washed

    - engine quiet = if you use 90-weight oil

    - needs minor overhaul = needs an engine

  • store signA woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small notebooks?"

    "Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."

    The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?"

    "Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.

    The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"

    The manager shrugs, "Sorry."

  • cowA wise old farmer went to town to buy a pickup truck that he saw advertised in the paper for a certain price. After telling the salesman which truck he wanted, they sat down to do the paperwork. When the salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer exclaimed, "This isn't the price I saw!"

    The salesman went on to tell the farmer how he was getting extras such as power brakes, power windows, special tires etc. and that was what raised the price up.  The farmer needed the truck badly, paid the price and went home.

    A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, "My son is in 4-H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for sale?"

  • telephoneA salesman telephoned a household and a young boy answered.

    "May I speak to your mother?" the salesman asked.

    The boy replied, "She's not here right now."

    The salesman then asked, "Is there anyone else there?"

    The boy replied, "My sister."

    The salesman asked, "May I speak to her"?

    The boy replied, "I guess so."

    At this point there was a long period of silence on the phone.

  • If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here.

    thermosA goober walks up to the return counter at Walmart and says to the clerk, "I'd like to return this thermos."

    "Is it defective?" replies the clerk.

    "Yes," says the goober, "it does not work the way it's supposed to. I was told it would keep hot things hot, and cold things cold and it doesn't do either."

    "What did you put in it?" asks the clerk.

    The goober says, "Two cups of coffee and an ice cream sandwich."

  • store signThe detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized.

    "It's bad," said the proprietor, "but it's not as bad as it could have been if he'd robbed me yesterday."

    "Why is that?" the detective asked.

    "Because today everything was on sale."

  • phone2After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision to the point of near blindness.

    My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely.

    "Oh, you're welcome," she replied.

    I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked,... "And will your grandmother need a rental car?"