Childhood One-liners

  • George Burn's one-liner about soupWhen I was young, if any of us kids got sick, my mother would bring out the chicken soup. Of course, that didn't' work for broken bones; for broken bones, she gave us boiled beef.

    - George Burns

  • girl angryMy daughter asked me what it's like to have kids, so I interrupted her every 11 seconds until she cried.

  • What is it like living with a toddler?What's it like having a toddler?

    Imagine raising a heavily caffeinated chimpanzee who is allergic to sleep.

  • billMy favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

  • burns and allenGeorge Burns has some of the best one-liners!

    George: Gracie, did the nurse ever happen to drop you on your head when you were a baby?

    Gracie: Oh no! We couldn't afford a nurse, my mother had to do it herself.

  • mother and daughterThe best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.  

  • man stressedExperience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  • child2Children seldom misquote you; in fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

  • tentCamping is nature‚Äôs way of feeding mosquitoes.

  • woman2You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.

  • giftChildren will soon forget your presents; they will always remember your presence.

  • sleeping at work 2When your toddlers are teenagers, don't forget to wake them up at 4:45am to tell them your socks came off.

  • child3When I was little, I didn't care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me; looking back at some of my old pictures, it's obvious that my parents didn't care either.

  • childChildren are natural mimics who act like their parents, despite every effort to teach them good manners.

  • baby cryingAnyone who says, "Easy as taking candy from a baby!" has never tried.

  • mealMy kids can't find their shoes when they need them, yet they can find that tiny bit of onion in their dinner.

  • grandma grandkidsIf Mom says "No," ask Nana;

    if Nana says "No,"... who are we kidding?? Nana never says "No!"

  • man sleeping"There's a sleeping person; let's go ask it questions," say children everywhere!

  • Nana never says NoIf Mom says "No," ask Nana; if Nana says "No"... who are we kidding? Nana never says "No!"

  • Naughty childrenThe hardest part of parenting is realizing that it is your circus and those definitely are your monkeys.

  • spongeThat SpongeBob: so self-absorbed.