I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance . . . .

she leaned over and pushed me.

Thank-you student loans for getting me through university. 

I don't think I can ever repay you!

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

George: Rich, ME?  No, I'm a pauper.

Gracie: Congratulations! Boy or girl?

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford; then I'll move in with them.