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Finance One-liners

  • bankI'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance . . . .

    she leaned over and pushed me.

  • bankThank-you student loans for getting me through university. 

    I don't think I can ever repay you!

  • goosex2I went out to buy some goose feather pillows, but I found they were so expensive I couldn't even afford the down payment.

  • Free advice one-linerFree advice is worth what you paid for it.

  • billMy favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

  • face funnyOkay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

  • moneyBorrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

  • chequeIf you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!

  • woman3If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

  • math42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

  • burns and allenGeorge: Rich, ME?  No, I'm a pauper.

    Gracie: Congratulations! Boy or girl?

  • couple oldI want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford; then I'll move in with them.

  • man sittingOne Liner Advice: You should get in on the ground floor before the program gets off the ground.

  • man smileChoose a degree in something you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life, because that field probably isn't hiring.

  • banking one linerMy bank has a new service where they will text you your balance; it's cool, I just don't think they should add "LOL" at the end.

  • balloonsThe price of balloons is going up. They blame it on inflation.