I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance . . . .

she leaned over and pushed me.

Thank-you student loans for getting me through university. 

I don't think I can ever repay you!

I went out to buy some goose feather pillows, but I found they were so expensive I couldn't even afford the down payment.

George: Rich, ME?  No, I'm a pauper.

Gracie: Congratulations! Boy or girl?

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford; then I'll move in with them.

One Liner Advice: You should get in on the ground floor before the program gets off the ground.

Choose a degree in something you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life, because that field probably isn't hiring.

My bank has a new service where they will text you your balance; it's cool, I just don't think they should add "LOL" at the end.

The price of balloons is going up. They blame it on inflation.