Finance One-liners

  • Balance

    bankI'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance . . . .

    she leaned over and pushed me.

  • Borrowing Thanks

    bankThank-you student loans for getting me through university. 

    I don't think I can ever repay you!

  • Goose Pun

    goosex2I went out to buy some goose feather pillows, but I found they were so expensive I couldn't even afford the down payment.

  • One-liner #1255

    Free advice one-linerFree advice is worth what you paid for it.

  • Oneliner #0994

    billMy favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

  • Oneliner #1029

    face funnyOkay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

  • Oneliner #1078

    moneyBorrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

  • Oneliner #1092

    chequeIf you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments!

  • Oneliner #1102

    woman3If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

  • Oneliner #1115

    math42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

  • Oneliner #1116

    burns and allenGeorge: Rich, ME?  No, I'm a pauper.

    Gracie: Congratulations! Boy or girl?

  • Oneliner #1154

    couple oldI want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford; then I'll move in with them.

  • Oneliner #1206

    man sittingOne Liner Advice: You should get in on the ground floor before the program gets off the ground.

  • Oneliner #1209

    man smileChoose a degree in something you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life, because that field probably isn't hiring.

  • Oneliner #1227

    banking one linerMy bank has a new service where they will text you your balance; it's cool, I just don't think they should add "LOL" at the end.

  • Party Increase

    balloonsThe price of balloons is going up. They blame it on inflation.