Fighting Puns

  • medieval guyWhen it comes to a battle with words, I'm always ready to mumble.

  • clownsIf attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.

  • caesarHow was the Roman Empire cut in half?

    With a pair of Caesars.

  • stain-fighting superhero punOxymoron: the stain-fighting stupid person.

  • omega3Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me!! Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

  • boxing glovesMartial Arts: I use my boxing skills sparringly.

  • bridge3There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks: Rufus and Clarence.

    They lived on opposite sides of the river and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sunup, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other.

    "Rufus!" Clarence would shout, "You better thank your lucky stars that I can't swim, er I'd swim this river and whup you!"

  • david and goliathArranging Goliath's funeral...

    was a giant undertaking!

  • trojan horseA Spanish King was being attacked constantly by warlords. He called his advisors together and asked them to come up with a solution.

    One said, "Remember the Greeks and the Trojan Horse?"

    "Let's find out what the warlords like and we'll do the same trick."

    "We know they won't eat pork, so a pig is not the answer. Chickens! They love chickens and eggs."

  • store toy"Hey, where can I find the Terminator action figures?"

    "Aisle B, back."

  • music choraleNot many people knew Wyatt Earp was a choir composer; not a great one, but he could shoot out an okay chorale.