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Friend Jokes

  • Centipede Snack

    centipedeA guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

    After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to a restaurant to have a meal.

  • Chocolate Laughs

    Over the years, people have come up with a number of great reasons to eat chocolate. The following 11 reasons are all viable options for yourself or a friend to eat chocolate with a clear conscience. ENJOY!

    chocolate*Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable. To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

    *Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

    *If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

  • Deer Hunting

    deer hunting jokesA group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.

    That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

    "Where's Henry?"

    "Henry had a nasty fall and broke both of his legs. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."

    "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!"

    "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

  • Old Friends

    couple oldAmy and Judy are old friends.

    They have both been married to their husbands for a long time. Amy is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.

    "As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Amy cries.

    "I'm so sorry for you. As I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day," replies Judy.

    "Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"

  • The Meaning of Life

    A joke which ponders if mushrooms are the meaning of life?***Warning - this one is a real groaner!***

    It was back in the old days and my friend was into this new age wisdom and spirituality and stuff. Well, one day he heard of this special guru who knew the meaning of life in the universe, so my friend drove from Blairstown to the airport in Newark and caught a plane to India.

    When the plane landed in India he took a train. When the train got to the end of its track he got off and rented a jeep. He drove the jeep to the foothills of the mountains and borrowed a donkey. He rode the donkey until the donkey could go no further and then walked up the mountain to the guru's cave. He entered the cave and he told the guru that he had come to find the meaning of life in the universe.

    The guru said that the meaning of life in the universe was mushrooms.

  • Tough Hunting Call

    a hunter aimsA group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.

    That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

    "Where's Henry?"

    "Henry broke his leg really badly. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."

    "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!"

    "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

  • Turtle Accident

    snailsTwo snails were standing on the side of the road, a turtle stopped and said, "Do you guys want a ride on my back"?

    One of the snails took him up on his offer and off he went.

    As the turtle reached the intersection another turtle came along and crashed into him. The poor little snail was thrown and killed.

    A cop investigating the accident began questioning the dead snail's buddy. "What happened?" he asked.

    The little snail replied, "I don't know it all happened so fast."

  • Wedding Pass

    officer navyA friend of mine joined the Navy and soon after had to attend a wedding. He asked an officer for a pass and was told he had to be back by 7 p.m. Sunday.

    "You don't understand, sir," my friend said. "I'm in the wedding."

    "No, YOU don't understand," the officer replied. "You're in the Navy."