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Marriage Puns

  • "I Do" Suggestion

    engagement ringPosition on Proposals: Getting down on one knee can be very engaging.

  • A Love Supreme

    record playerBack in the days before digital music, a woman intended to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.

    "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner, "but I have a wife and eleven children."

    "Is that a record?" she inquired.

    "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."

  • Christmas Dinner

    Christmas Dinner PunI don't think I'll attend Christmas dinner this year. 

    My wife gave me a haircut this morning, and now she said she's going to make Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.

  • Coffee Pun 1

    couple coffeeA man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

    The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

    The husband said, "Yes, but you are in charge of cooking around here so you should do it because that is your job. I can just wait for my coffee."

    Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should make the coffee."

    Husband replies, "I can't believe that. Show me."

    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says...

    "Hebrews"

  • Cruise Pun

    cruise shipMen, if you went on a cruise ship during your summer vacation and you met a woman and fell in love, here's some advice my wise old Uncle Waldo once told me:

    "There's a 50/50 chance that someday you'll wind up very she sick."

  • Flamingo Act

    flamingoWhen my wife wanted me to stop acting like a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

  • Told Where to Go

    for saleRealtors: Really put you in your place.

  • Twin Pun

    Twins, Liberty and ElizabethA fellow and his wife in Houston, Texas, where the people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of twins, two identical girls. These twins were born on the 4th of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his wife, "We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of alligence".

    His wife said, "Are you nuts? You can't have girls going through life with names like Liberty and Justice. We are going to name them regular girl's names like Mary or Jane".