logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Judge Illustrations

  • judges gavelAfter a trial had been going on for three days, Harrison, the man accused of committing the crimes, stood up and approached the judge's bench.

    "Your Honor, I would like to change my plea from 'innocent' to 'guilty' of the charges."

    The judge angrily banged his fist on the desk. "If you're guilty, why didn't you say so in the first place and save this court a lot of time and inconvenience?" he demanded.

    Harrison looked up wide-eyed and stated, "Well, when the trial started I thought I was innocent, but that was before I heard all the evidence against me."

  • ball basketI was playing in a golf tournament with a longtime Big Ten basketball official who just retired.

    He was recollecting the first time he refereed in Bloomington, IN at Indiana University. As he told it:

    “I was very nervous. It was my first time in Bloomington and my first time refereeing a game with Bobby Knight. I was very nervous and was trying so hard to make every call right and equitable.

    “At the start of the second half, Indiana’s #23 positioned himself right next to me as we started play. I felt crowded so gave myself some extra room, but he stayed right with me! This went on for over 5 minutes…#23 closer to me than any opponent. I couldn't seem to shake him.

    “At the under 16-minute time out, I approached the Indiana bench and said, ‘Coach Knight, I couldn't help but notice that #23 stays very close to me - it’s like he’s guarding me!"

    “Coach Knight looked at me and said, ‘Son, at half time I told that player to guard the man who was giving us the most trouble... AND THAT’S YOU!'”

  • calendarAn atheist was quite incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holidays for them to celebrate.

    The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the downtrodden and assigned their sharpest attorney to the case.

  • police pull overA schoolteacher was given a ticket for driving through a red light.

    When she appeared in traffic court, she asked the judge for immediate attention to her case as she was due to be back in class.

    The judge looked at her sternly and said:

    "So you're a schoolteacher. I am about to realize a lifelong ambition. You sit down at that table over there and write 'I went through a stop sign.' FIVE HUNDRED TIMES!"

  • Groucho Marx's idea when he was banned from a pool because he was half-Jewish.Upon being denied, in the 1950's, membership in the exclusive Hollywood Country Club, because he was a Jew, Groucho Marx (whose father was a Jew, but whose mother was not) wrote a letter to the club's membership asking to be admitted.

    "Being only half Jewish, I promise to get into the swimming pool only up to my waist."

  • tieAt a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets.

    Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie.

  • judges gavelIn the traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young woman was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket she received for driving through a red light.

    She explained to the judge that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate dismissal of her case so she could get to the school on time.

    A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes.

    "You're a schoolteacher?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court.

    Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not drive through red lights' 500 times!"