Work One-liners

  • For every action one-liner.For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

  • manTo succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

  • wash handsI was in a bathroom and I saw a sign that said employees must wash hands, but after I waited for what must've been 10 minutes no one came to wash my hands so I did it myself.

  • coffee cupI wish some of my co-workers weren't allowed in the break room... because that's who I usually need a break from.

  • old ladyIf quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?

  • old coupleIf I had known how successful I was going to be, I wouldn't have worked so hard when I was young!

  • teapotDo Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

  • man stressedExperience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  • man2Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

  • cheeseThe early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

  • rainbowIf you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

  • calendarGonna stop making arbitrary deadlines: starting today.

  • moneyIf people could be paid to die for us, they'd get rich.

  • mistakeNo one is listening until you make a mistake.

  • mistake phoneTwo wrongs are only the beginning.

  • warningEvery warning label has an awesome backstory.

  • cat fishbowlSuccess always occurs in private and failure in full view.

  • universityChoose a degree in something you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life, because that field probably isn't hiring.

  • board roomMy boss said, "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have;"

    now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting dressed as Batman.

  • vacuumDeep thoughts of the day: when you clean out a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.

  • keys and remoteThe only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me!

  • messyI'm starting meetings at my house for people who have OCD; I don't have it, I'm just hoping they'll take one look and start cleaning.

  • face stressed2The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

  • woman winkOne Liner Advice: It's a great activity for someone who doesn't have to do it.

  • man smileChoose a degree in something you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life, because that field probably isn't hiring.

  • man with a head-acheThe first 5 days after the weekend are the hardest!

  • Laziness OnelinerHard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.