Eating Puns

  • beef stew punApparently, you can't use "beef-stew" as a password.

    It's not stroganoff.

  • omega3Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me!! Luckily, my injuries were only super fish oil.

  • clockWhat does a clock do when it's hungry?

    It goes back four seconds.

  • cheese brieSweet dreams are made of cheese.

    Who am I to dis a brie?

  • pez penguinPenguin PEZ: Let's dispense with the formalities.

  • picture of chopsticksLuke Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobe walk into a Chinese Restaurant.

    Ten minutes into the meal, Luke is still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere.

    Obi-Wan finally tells him, “Use the forks, Luke." 

  • clockYesterday, I ate a clock. It was very time consuming.

    Especially when I went back for seconds.

  • steakBecoming a vegetarian is a huge "missed steak."

  • man dinerLousy Restaurant... I have my reservations.

  • butter poundReal butter fans: Too long they have been margarinalized.

  • Waiter punNot-Evangelism: When a waiter asks you how you want your steak cooked, never say, "Well done, good & faithful servant."

  • peanutsA man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout, and sits down to wait for his food.

    While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? Very NICE choice!"

    Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.

    Next he hears the voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"

    He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.

    A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!"

    He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look - what's up with that? Am I GOING CRAZY??"

    "Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies. "It's just the peanuts."

    "The PEANUTS?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

    "Yes," replies the waiter, "…they're complimentary."

  • turnip cookedI put some turnips, his least-favorite vegetable, on my eleven-year-old son's dinner plate and instructed him to eat everything. He cleaned his plate, except for the turnip.

    I pointed out to him that if he'd eaten it earlier, he wouldn't have been left with its taste in his mouth at the end of the meal.

    Thoughtfully, he replied, "I guess I was just trying to delay the inedible."

  • weight scale 2I know how to lose weight: I just chews not to.