Men, if you went on a cruise ship during your summer vacation and you met a woman and fell in love, here's some advice my wise old Uncle Waldo once told me:
"There's a 50/50 chance that someday you'll wind up very she sick."
The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.
I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday and I'll tell you what . . . never again!
I am always going the extra mile: because I never stop for directions.
So, apparently airport security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
"That's the last time I pet a lion!"
- said Tom offhandedly