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Self-Righteousness Illustrations

  • Integrity #2

    failure targetA male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down he walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

    The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."

    "Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use a restroom!"

    "Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in there — and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"

    "Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll look the other way!"

  • Judgement, Self Righteousness, Assumption

    smoking2A man sees another leaning against the wall of a large building. The second man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.

    The nonsmoker says, "Sir, I couldn't help noticing how you chain-smoke. How many packs do you smoke a day?"

    "Four."

    "How long have you been smoking?"

  • Pedigree

    flower bunchA stuffy old dowager was explaining to the Jewish florist how she wanted the flowers arranged at the DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution) meeting to celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

    "Actually," she said, "one of my ancestors was present at the presentation of the document to the Congress."

    "How very nice." replied Morris the florist.

    "One of my mine was present at the presentation of the Ten Commandments to the world."

  • Perfection

    traffic cameraAn off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

    "This guy must have mixed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.

    A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

  • Three Powerful Words

    personA funny story is told about General George Patton from his World War II days. He once accepted an invitation to dine at a press camp in Africa. Wine was served in canteen cups but, obviously thinking he was served coffee, Patton poured cream into his cup. As he stirred in sugar, Patton was warned that his cup contained red wine and not coffee.

    Now, General Patton could never, never be wrong. Without hesitating he replied, "I know. I like my wine this way." And he drank it!