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Canada Jokes

  • canada flagBack in the 1800s, Canada's founding fathers gathered to brainstorm and discuss a name for their new country.

    One of the founding fathers really liked what the neighbors to the south did and pitched the idea. "USA is simple. It's catchy. It works. How about if we put the letters of the alphabet in a hockey helmet, pull out three, and that's our name. What do you think, eh?"

  • snowman"All I Need to Know about Life I Learned From a Snowman.... "

    --It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.

    --Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.

    --Wearing white is always appropriate.

    --Winter is the best of the four seasons.

  • canada flagAn American and his wife were driving in Canada and got lost on the prairie. After what seemed like forever, they finally came to a city.

    When they saw a gentleman on the sidewalk they pulled up to the curb and the lady wound down her window and asked: "Excuse me, sir.  Where are we?"

    The gentleman replied, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."

    The woman rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said,

    "We really are lost. They don't even speak English here!"

  • canada flagOne day, Canada will take over the world; then you'll all be sorry.

  • You know your city works department
    is for the birds when . . .

    pot hole goose

  • ski fallSki season will be here soon! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you prepared:

    16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

    15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

    14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.

  • canada flagHere are some of the "All-Time Dumbest Questions" asked by Banff Park tourists.

    On nature...

    • How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?
    • At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
    • Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park Information Staff: " 'Elk.'"  Tourist: "Oh."
    • Are the bears with collars tame?
    • Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
    • Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?
    • Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?
    • I saw an animal on the way to Banff today... Could you tell me what it was?
    • Are there birds in Canada?
  • milestoneIf the metric system did ever take over, we'd have to change our thinking to the following:

    * A miss is as good as 1.6 kilometers.

    * Put your best 0.3 of a meter forward.

    * Spare the 5.03 meters and spoil the child.

    * Twenty-eight grams of prevention is worth 453 grams of cure.

    * Give a man 2.5 centimeters and he'll take 1.06 kilometers.

    * Peter Piper picked 8.8 liters of pickled peppers.