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Pet One Liners

  • Oneliner #1008

    goldfishI once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds.

  • Oneliner #1071

    dog oliver"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail." -  Unknown

  • Oneliner #1074

    dog5Sixty percent of pit bull attacks occur between tying the bandanna around its neck and putting the sunglasses on its face.

  • Oneliner #1076

    dog6"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."

     - Ann Landers

  • Oneliner #1084

    dogs"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."

    - Nora Ephron

  • Oneliner #1105

    dog8"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

    - Ben Williams

  • Oneliner #1108

    dog sleeping "A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."

    - Robert Benchley

  • Oneliner #1117

    dog cat"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."

    - Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

  • Oneliner #1123

    dog sleeping"I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."

    - August Strindberg

  • Oneliner #1152

    cat restingThey should make an alarm clock that sounds like a cat getting ready to vomit; NOTHING makes you jump out of bed faster!

  • Oneliner #1159

    dog8As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought, "Dogs are easily amused;" then I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.

  • Oneliner #1177

    cat fishbowlCat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

  • Oneliner #1194

    dog4"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that's how dogs spend their lives."

    - Sue Murphy

  • Oneliner #1195

    cat fishbowl"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."

    - Robert A. Heinlein

  • Oneliner #1197

    dog scotty"When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you."

    - Nora Ephron

  • Oneliner #1211

    dog8They should make an alarm clock that sounds like a dog ready to vomit; nothing makes me jump out of bed faster...

  • Oneliner #1237

    Dog One Liner"No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."

    - Fran Lebowitz