Caller ID should be more detailed: "Wants Help Moving," "Going to Whine," "Will Ask to Borrow Money."

I don't own a cell phone or a pager; I just hang around everyone I know, all the time and if someone wants to get hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.

- Mitch Hedberg

Billion dollar idea: a smoke detector that shuts off when you yell, "I'm just cooking!"

I hate making spelling errors on Facebook; mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

Auto-correct can be so flippant annotating.

I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop; he just sat there drinking his coffee... like a psychopath.

The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me!

Auto-correct makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.

Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, we would be planting so many trees and we'd probably save the planet too. Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breathe.

- Unknown