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Technology Oneliner

  • phone helpCaller ID should be more detailed: "Wants Help Moving," "Going to Whine," "Will Ask to Borrow Money."

  • cell phoneI don't own a cell phone or a pager; I just hang around everyone I know, all the time and if someone wants to get hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.

    - Mitch Hedberg

  • cookingBillion dollar idea: a smoke detector that shuts off when you yell, "I'm just cooking!"

  • computer stressI hate making spelling errors on Facebook; mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

  • cell phoneAuto-correct can be so flippant annotating.

  • coffee manI saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop; he just sat there drinking his coffee... like a psychopath.

  • keys and remoteThe only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me!

  • cell phoneAuto-correct makes me say things I didn't Nintendo.

  • gorillaI hate making spelling errors on Facebook; mix up 2 letters and your whole post is urined.

  • quote 1632

    Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, we would be planting so many trees and we'd probably save the planet too. Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breathe.

    - Unknown

  • Dance like nobody is watching

    "Dance like nobody is watching. Text and email like it will be read in court someday."

    - Unknown