Technology Oneliner

  • Oneliner #1075

    phone helpCaller ID should be more detailed: "Wants Help Moving," "Going to Whine," "Will Ask to Borrow Money."

  • Oneliner #1077

    cell phoneI don't own a cell phone or a pager; I just hang around everyone I know, all the time and if someone wants to get hold of me, they just say 'Mitch,' and I say 'what?' and turn my head slightly.

    - Mitch Hedberg

  • Oneliner #1141

    cookingBillion dollar idea: a smoke detector that shuts off when you yell, "I'm just cooking!"

  • Oneliner #1156

    computer stressI hate making spelling errors on Facebook; mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

  • Oneliner #1161

    cell phoneAuto-correct can be so flippant annotating.

  • Oneliner #1162

    coffee manI saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop; he just sat there drinking his coffee... like a psychopath.

  • Oneliner #1173

    keys and remoteThe only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me!