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Back To School Jokes

  • Beginning School

    school-houseTommy had reached school age. His mother managed with a blast of propaganda to make him enthusiastic about the idea. She bought him lots of new clothes, told him of the new friends he'd meet and so on.

    Came the first day, he eagerly went off and came back home with a lot of glowing reports about school.

    Next morning when she woke him up, he asked "What for?" She told him it was time to get ready for school.

    "What? Again?" he asked.

  • Homework Policy

    school houseHere is an explanation of the school homework policy:

    Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner:

    • 15 minutes looking for assignment.
    • 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
    • 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
    • 8 minutes in the bathroom.
    • 10 minutes getting a snack.
    • 7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
    • 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
    • 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
  • Johnny's F

    school houseLittle Johnny stared at his test paper.

    The big read "F" stared back at him.

    Freddie looked at his glum friend and asked, "Why did you get such a low grade on that test?"

    "Because of an absence," Johnny answered.

    "You mean you were absent on the day of the test?" he questioned.

    Little Johnny replied, "No, but the kid who sits next to me was."

  • Teacher's Gifts

    teacher appleOn a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers!"

    "That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?"

    "Just a wild guess," she said.

    The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!"