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University Jokes

  • Battle Hymn of Term Finals

    university buildingMine eyes have seen the horror
    Of the ending of the term
    It has poisoned all my spirits
    Like an apple with a worm
    It's infected all my freedom
    Like an ugly cancer germ
    The truth shall soon be known.

    Chorus: Failure, failure, degradation,
    Failure and humiliation,
    Failure, failure, academia,
    The truth shall soon be known.

  • Daughter In College

    college Mount Union College OhioDid you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter's college education?

    As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker,

    "I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?"

  • Freshman Bricks

    brick courtyardWhile a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

    "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide.

    "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard."

    When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, my friend asked our guide: "So what's the answer?"

    The guide replied: "One."

  • Oneliner #1136

    universityChoose a degree in something you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life, because that field probably isn't hiring.

  • School Recommendation

    universityWhen I went with my daughter to visit a prestigious university, our student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told us that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended my daughter apply early to improve her chances for admission.

    "We get so many applicants," she boasted, "because of the stature of the school."

    After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose this school?"

    "Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "my boyfriend goes here."

  • Smart As A Brick

    students1While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand.

    "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide.

    "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish this courtyard."

    "So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen.

    The guide replied simply, "One."