An acquaintance of mine, whose daughter was about to be married, decided to give her a diamond ring that had been in the family for several generations. The stone had never been appraised, so the father asked a gemologist friend if she would take a look at it. She agreed, but said that, instead of a fee she would accept lunch at one of Houston's finer restaurants.

A few days later, as he and the gem expert sat sipping a glass of Chablis, he showed her the ring. She took out her jeweler's loupe, examined the diamond carefully and handed it back.

"Wow," said a diner who had been watching from the next table. "These Texas women are tough!"

When women get to a certain age they start accumulating cats.

This is known as the "many paws."

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."

- Robert A. Heinlein

I know I'm never going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root . . . .

and still be afraid of a spider.

(Don't judge a joke by its title.)

Driving to town this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!

I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that dumb makeup!!!

It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone off my knee and it fell into the coffee between my legs and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!

WOMEN DRIVERS!