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Music Jokes

  • Boomer Songs Re-released

    record playerHey Baby Boomers! Some of our old favorites have been re-released. The following songs are on a new album called "Baby Boomers Turn Gray: Re-heated Oldies."

    Paul Simon--"Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver"

    Carly Simon--"You're So Varicose Vein"

    The Bee Gees--"How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"

    Roberta Flack--"The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"

    Johnny Nash--"I Can't See Clearly Now"

    The Temptations--"Papa Got a Kidney Stone"

  • Fractured Christmas Carols

    christmas boyNo one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid.  Sing along with these new takes on old favorites:

    * Deck the Halls with Buddy Holly
    * We three kings of porridge and tar
    * On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me
    * Later on we'll perspire, as we dream by the fire.
    * He's makin' a list, chicken and rice.
    * Noel, noel, noel, noel; Barney's the king of Israel.
    * With the jelly toast proclaim
    * Olive, the other reindeer.
    * Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say
    * Sleep in heavenly peas
    * In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown
    * You'll go down in listerine
    * Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay
    * Come, froggy faithful
    * You'll tell Carol, "Be a skunk, I require"
    * Good tidings we bring to you and your kid

  • Insect Pun

    music kidsThe summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room.

    The sixth-graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no more.

    He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate.

    "Is it a bee?" another student asked.

    "Nope," Tommy replied. "Bee flat."

  • Silent Drums

    drumAn anthropologist was assigned to Borneo, where he found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. At noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums.

    "What are those drums?" asked the anthropologist, knowing he was in cannibal country.

    The guide turned to him and said "No worry. Drums OK, but very bad when they stop."

  • Songs For People Over 40

    head phones*Top 10 Songs for People Over 40*

    10. Let's Get a Physical

    9. Ain't No Burrito Mild Enough

    8. Johnny B. Olde

    7. How Do You Mend a Broken Everything

    6. The Lack O' Motion

    5. Hair Potion Number Nine

  • Spontaneous Song

    The Lion Sleeps Tonight punAt any given time, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.

  • The Violin

    violinLittle Hope was practicing the violin in the living room while her father was trying to read in the den.

    The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Hope's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

    The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up and yelled above the noise, "Can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"