Logic One-liners

  • One-liner #1253

    Spontaneous one-linerPlan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

  • One-liner #1254

    Treachery one-linerAs far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question.

  • One-liner #1256

    Following my DreamsI'm sick of following my dreams; I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

    - Mitch Hedberg

  • One-liner #1257

    IQ Test One-linerTo kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

  • One-liner #1260

    funny one-linerIf there's anything I can't stand, it's intolerance.

  • One-liner #1261

    A Nixon quoteI want to hear the voice of the great silent majority.

    - Richard Nixon

  • One-liner #1262

    A self-annihilating sentence slash one-liner.My only reason for mentioning it is that it is irrelevant.

  • One-liner #1263

    What to do if it involves me.If it involves me, I want nothing to do with it.

  • Oneliner #1025

    fog hornIf a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is fog horn made out of?

  • Oneliner #1029

    face funnyOkay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

  • Oneliner #1035

    hand writeI'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

  • Oneliner #1039

    couple argueI am not contradicting you!

  • Oneliner #1041

    sunset and canoeTomorrow, which isn't even here yet, will never be the day after tomorrow again.

  • Oneliner #1061

    rainbowIf you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

  • Oneliner #1062

    man laughHe who laughs last thinks slowest.

  • Oneliner #1063

    calendarGonna stop making arbitrary deadlines: starting today.

  • Oneliner #1070

    dice and paperStatistics show that statistics can't be trusted.

  • Oneliner #1080

    sponges2I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?

  • Oneliner #1081

    nightA day without sunshine is like, night.

  • Oneliner #1082

    trafficWhen everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

  • Oneliner #1095

    math4 out of 3 people struggle with math.

  • Oneliner #1097

    glareIf you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced; that's why people with no sense of humor have an increased sense of self-importance.

  • Oneliner #1118

    woman shrugOn one hand, I'm indecisive, but on the other, I'm not.

  • Oneliner #1128

    escalatorI like an escalator because an escalator can never break, it can only become stairs. There would never be an escalator temporarily out of order sign, only an "Escalator temporarily stairs - sorry for the convenience" sign.

    - Mitch Hedberg, Comedy Central Presents

  • Oneliner #1129

    man grumpyIf there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.

  • Oneliner #1130

    man dinerThe world is full of apathy, but I don't care.

  • Oneliner #1131

    woman4Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

  • Oneliner #1132

    girlI'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

  • Oneliner #1133

    man officeIf we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.

  • Oneliner #1144

    personRegarding "Eternal Truths:"

    No matter where you go, there you are.

  • Oneliner #1145

    man2Regarding "Eternal Truths:"

    Show me an honest man and I'll show you a man who tells the truth.

  • Oneliner #1146

    snow sceneRegarding "Eternal Truths:"

    No two things are the same, no matter how you look at them.

  • Oneliner #1147

    abstractRegarding "Descriptions:"

    Words are incapable of describing what I am about to tell you.

  • Oneliner #1148

    mathRegarding "Descriptions:"

    This fact is clear to those who know it.

  • Oneliner #1149

    snow sceneRegarding "Eternal Truths:"

    No two things are the same, no matter how you look at them.

  • Oneliner #1179

    personA conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

  • Oneliner #1184

    mississippi"I never called you stupid; but when I asked you how you spelled Mississippi, and you asked if I was talking about the river or the state, it just kind of caught me off guard."

  • Oneliner #1196

    face stressed2The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

  • Oneliner #1198

    shoppingI used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...

  • Oneliner #1199

    man afraidSo, apparently airport security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.

  • Oneliner #1200

    man puzzledAnother "World's Oldest Man" has died; this is beginning to look suspicious.

  • Oneliner #1203

    WC FieldsOne Liner Advice: The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

    - W.C. Fields

  • Oneliner #1204

    woman shrugOne Liner Advice: Don't give up hope; there's a chance the inevitable won't happen.

  • Oneliner #1205

    person shrugOne Liner Advice: Survival is important, but don't stake your life on it.

  • Oneliner #1206

    man sittingOne Liner Advice: You should get in on the ground floor before the program gets off the ground.

  • Oneliner #1207

    woman winkOne Liner Advice: It's a great activity for someone who doesn't have to do it.

  • Oneliner #1209

    man smileChoose a degree in something you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life, because that field probably isn't hiring.

  • Oneliner #1210

    orangesIf you say "GULLIBLE" slowly it sounds like "ORANGES."

  • Oneliner #1213

    woman2I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.

  • Oneliner #1215

    couple5The "Flat Earth Society" has members all around the globe.

    Now say that again, slowly.