Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
As far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question.
I'm sick of following my dreams; I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
- Mitch Hedberg
To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
If there's anything I can't stand, it's intolerance.
I want to hear the voice of the great silent majority.
- Richard Nixon
My only reason for mentioning it is that it is irrelevant.
If it involves me, I want nothing to do with it.
I have my doubts about disbelief.
Idols depend on you; God doesn't.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
Way down deep, he's shallow.
You have the distinction of being the only one who is not exceptional.
You have one choice
Self-Annihilating Sentences: If you think about it long enough, you'll see that it's obvious.
A little pain never hurt anyone.
Why should I consider your questions, when you don't even know the answers?
I've told you a million times not to exaggerate.
The future isn't what it used to be.
Walkie-talkies neither walk nor talk; they should be called holdie-noisies.
Anyone who goes to a psychoanalyst should have his head examined.
- Samuel Goldwyn
Always try to be modest... and be proud of it!
Quantum mechanics: the dreams stuff is made of.
Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.
He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard.
I am certain of it, but I may be wrong.
Anyone who reads this is illiterate!
The solution makes the problem more difficult.
She ran the gamut of emotions - from A to B.
I didn't hear that!
Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is called John.
PLOT TWIST: Maybe eating a doughnut wasn't cheating on my diet; maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnuts.
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFERS from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing!
What keeps me going is my inertia.
Whenever I look for something, it's always in the last place I look.
If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is fog horn made out of?
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I am not contradicting you!
Tomorrow, which isn't even here yet, will never be the day after tomorrow again.
If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Gonna stop making arbitrary deadlines: starting today.
Statistics show that statistics can't be trusted.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges?
A day without sunshine is like, night.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
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