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Train Jokes

  • Lantern Trial

    railway tracksIn a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.

    At the trial, the crossing guard insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.

    "Congratulations," the lawyer said to the guard when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."

    "Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."

    "How's that?" the lawyer asked. 

    "I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!"

  • Train Fuel

    train steamA steam locomotive passing through Poland one night was running low on coal. The engineer said to his fireman,

    "We're coming to a town, let's stop and send the porter out to get more coal. Can you see the name of the town on the depot sign?"

    The fireman replied, "It appears to be Danzig in the dark."

    And the engineer shouted, "Buy coal, Porter!"