Relationship One-liners

  • engagement ringPosition on Proposals: Getting down on one knee can be very engaging.

  • woman angry"A Freudian Slip: when you say one thing but mean a mother."

  • Fooling mom one-linerYou can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time...

    but you can never fool mom.

  • Spontaneous one-linerPlan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.

  • Treachery one-linerAs far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question.

  • A self-annihilating sentence slash one-liner.My only reason for mentioning it is that it is irrelevant.

  • girl angryMy daughter asked me what it's like to have kids, so I interrupted her every 11 seconds until she cried.

  • Why would Cupid be chosen to represent Valentines Day?I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentines Day... when I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a medieval weapon.

  • What makes a girl beautiful?Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me?

  • Turn your trip to the grocery store into a Ninja challenge.Turn your trip to the grocery store into a ninja challenge by shopping strictly out of other people's carts when they're not looking.

  • a complaint self-annihilating sentenceSelf-Annihilating Sentences

    Why should I consider your questions, when you don't even know the answers?

  • dog lazy"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."

    - Edward Abbey

  • haircutBe nice to your hairstylist because what's stopping them from plucking one of your hairs and putting it at a crime scene? Nothing.

  • man thinkingMy wife just stopped and said, "You weren't even listening were you?"

    I thought... "That's a pretty weird way to start a conversation."

  • woman6I told my parents they're famous now. I asked my dad who should play him in the movie and his answer did not disappoint: 

    "Clint Eastward."

  • woman old3He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard.

  • man thinkingThe human brain is amazing; it functions 24/7 from the day we're born and only stops when you're taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

  • man outragedThe last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

  • couple3My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things; but I laugh more.

  • couple2The trouble with you is that there's nothing wrong with you.

  • couple argueI am not contradicting you!

  • rings weddingLove may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

  • parking lotI feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

  • poolThe problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

  • crowdNo one goes there anymore; it's too crowded.

  • dogs"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."

    - Nora Ephron

  • dog7A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  • roosterDon't be condescending (that's when you talk down to people).

  • shopping2Shopping with your husband is like hunting with the game warden.

  • woman3If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

  • dog sleeping"I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."

    - August Strindberg

  • man gaggedYou have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

  • man smileA clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  • man grumpyIf there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.

  • woman4Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

  • man afraidIf you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie; after a while it won't feel like you're alone anymore.

  • couple4The relationship between Husband and Wife is very psychological; one is Psycho and the other is Logical - and whatever you do, don't try to figure out Who is Who.

  • man afraidI'm not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.

  • arthur c clarkeLast year I joined a support group for antisocial people; we haven't met yet.

  • spaghettiI am really bad at measuring pasta, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti, come on over!

  • woman deskA recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

  • man office2Ninety percent of being married is just shouting "What?" from other rooms.

  • woman2I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.

  • donkey in mirrorAskhole: A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

  • Nana never says NoIf Mom says "No," ask Nana; if Nana says "No"... who are we kidding? Nana never says "No!"

  • quote 1734

    "Some things are better left unsaid. Which I generally realize right after I have said them."