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Relationship Oneliners

  • "I Do" Suggestion

    engagement ringPosition on Proposals: Getting down on one knee can be very engaging.

  • Freudian Slip

    woman angry"A Freudian Slip: when you say one thing but mean a mother."

  • Oneliner #1031

    couple3My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things; but I laugh more.

  • Oneliner #1037

    couple2The trouble with you is that there's nothing wrong with you.

  • Oneliner #1039

    couple argueI am not contradicting you!

  • Oneliner #1052

    rings weddingLove may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

  • Oneliner #1056

    parking lotI feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

  • Oneliner #1057

    poolThe problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

  • Oneliner #1069

    crowdNo one goes there anymore; it's too crowded.

  • Oneliner #1083

    woman2You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can never fool mom.

  • Oneliner #1084

    dogs"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."

    - Nora Ephron

  • Oneliner #1091

    dog7A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  • Oneliner #1094

    roosterDon't be condescending (that's when you talk down to people).

  • Oneliner #1099

    shopping2Shopping with your husband is like hunting with the game warden.

  • Oneliner #1102

    woman3If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

  • Oneliner #1123

    dog sleeping"I loathe people who keep dogs; they are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."

    - August Strindberg

  • Oneliner #1124

    man gaggedYou have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

  • Oneliner #1126

    man smileA clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  • Oneliner #1129

    man grumpyIf there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.

  • Oneliner #1131

    woman4Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

  • Oneliner #1138

    man afraidIf you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror movie; after a while it won't feel like you're alone anymore.

  • Oneliner #1164

    couple4The relationship between Husband and Wife is very psychological; one is Psycho and the other is Logical - and whatever you do, don't try to figure out Who is Who.

  • Oneliner #1168

    man afraidI'm not so sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.

  • Oneliner #1169

    arthur c clarkeLast year I joined a support group for antisocial people; we haven't met yet.

  • Oneliner #1170

    spaghettiI am really bad at measuring pasta, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti, come on over!

  • Oneliner #1187

    woman deskA recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

  • Oneliner #1212

    man office2Ninety percent of being married is just shouting "What?" from other rooms.

  • Oneliner #1213

    woman2I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.

  • Oneliner #1222

    donkey in mirrorAskhole: A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.

  • Oneliner #1226

    Nana never says NoIf Mom says "No," ask Nana; if Nana says "No"... who are we kidding? Nana never says "No!"