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Church Puns

  • baby in white"Traditional christening services are being replaced by ceremonies where the newborn's name will be tattooed on some part of one or both parents' anatomy.

    Their choice of decorative script is, as one archbishop observed, the closest some of these people will ever get to a font."

  • priestForgive me, Father, Pastor, Vicar, Padre, Priest... for I have synonymed.

  • jeans2It makes sense for worship leaders to wear jeans. In the Bible, the musicians at the Temple were all descendants of Levi's.

  • milkTo test my faith, I sometimes look right at the 1% mild and ask, "Wilt thou be made whole??"

  • apples on treeAdam & Eve: the first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

  • priestHans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm.

    Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy. After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent.

  • church1Between Pentecostal and Baptist worship styles, I prefer Baptist, hands down.

  • Preaching PunHe sees you when you've been sleeping; he knows when you're awake. He keeps preaching either way.

  • Waiter punNot-Evangelism: When a waiter asks you how you want your steak cooked, never say, "Well done, good & faithful servant."

  • Funny Miscommunication PunA Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday. Not too many weeks thereafter and just as services are starting, they show up.

    Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn't a pew available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back."

  • cell phoneIt's hard to connect with my King-James-only buddy...

    He refuses to receptus my textus.