Mileage Jokes

  • footballAt the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. 

    Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful coed and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties.

    "Oh, I have a 3.8, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said.  "What's your G.P.A.?"

    Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 25 in the city and 40 on the highway."

  • car oldYou need a new car when...

    - You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.

    - You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.

    - You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.

    - The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."

    - The only thing holding your bumper on is the "Dukakis/Bentsen '88" sticker.

    - You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.

    - Evel Knievel refuses a free lift.

    - The valet puts on a crash helmet and full-body armor before parking your car.

    - The guys at the repair shop refer you to Dr. Kevorkian.