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Rural Jokes

  • A young boy watches his dad help birth a calf.A man was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. 

    The man thought, "Great, he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees.  No need to jump the gun, I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

    After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

    "Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad.  "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"

  • snakeA young man is an avid listener to the city's police frequency, and he leaves the scanner on all the time.

    One morning while making his bed, he heard the dispatcher say,

    "Car 34, there is a five-foot boa constrictor in someone's front yard. The resident wants a police officer to come and remove it."

    There was a long pause, then some static.

    Slowly, a voice said, "We can't get the car started."

  • veterinarianIn one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's veterinarian.

    One night the phone rang, and his wife answered.

    An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?"

    "He is, but tell me, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife asked.

    "Both!" was the reply.

    "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."

  • cow3The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

    Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.

    The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

    "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."