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Football Jokes,

  • *Famous Sports Quotes*

    sports balls"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
    --Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann

    "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." 
    --Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

    "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle"
    --Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

    "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
    --Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker.

    "You guys line up alphabetically by height"
    --Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

    "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."
    --Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements

    "I know the Virginia players are smart because you need a 1500 SAT to get in. I have to drop bread crumbs to get our players to and from class."
    --George Raveling, Washington State basketball coach

    "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."
    --Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King

    "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
    -- Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece.

  • Football Newbie

    footballA guy took his girlfriend to a football game for the first time.

    After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.

    "Oh, I really liked it," she said, "but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."

    "What on earth do you mean???"

    "Well I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

  • GPA

    footballAt the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. 

    Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful coed and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties.

    "Oh, I have a 3.8, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said.  "What's your G.P.A.?"

    Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 25 in the city and 40 on the highway."

  • New Year's Football vs. Dinner

    footballAs in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.

    Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even brought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.

    "See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."

  • Of Course Not

    footballMorris a young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. 

    At the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport.

    The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at Notre Dame ?"

    The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!"