*Top Ten Signs You are At a Bad Baptismal Service*
10. The Coast Guard is involved.
9. The service is held at Splash Mountain Water Parks.
8. Pastor wears scuba gear.
7. As the baptism begins the organist plays the theme from "Jaws."
6. The preacher uses a "Billy the Bass" singing "Take Me to the River" instead of the traditional "Shall We Gather at the River?"