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Snake Jokes

  • snakeWhat do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?

    A π-thon.

  • snake orangeA guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was "all torn up."

    "What happened?" he asked.

    "Well, we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has orange and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck."

    "Go on."  the friend said.

  • rattlesnakeA young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.

    "Wow!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?"

    "Yes, on rare occasions," answered the handler.

    "Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?"

    "I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound."

    "What, uh...what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman.

    "Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."