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Rabbi Jokes

  • Hat Blessing

    A joke about a Rabbi, a hat, and horse racingA Rabbi is walking slowly down the street when a gust of wind blows his hat from his head. The hat is being blown down the street, but he is an old man and can't walk fast enough to catch the hat. Across the street a Gentile sees what has happened and rushes over to grab the hat and then returns it to the Rabbi.

    "I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat," said the rabbi.  "Thank you very much."

    The rabbi then places his hand on the man's shoulder and says, "May God bless you."

    The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the rabbi, this must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the racetrack and in the first race he sees there is a horse named Stetson at 20 to 1.  He bets $50 and sure enough the horse comes in first.

  • Rabbi Retirement

    pigAn elderly rabbi, having just retired from his duties in the congregation, finally decided to fulfill his lifelong fantasy to taste pork. 

    He went to a hotel in the Catskills in the off-season, entered the empty dining hall and sat down at a table in the far corner.  The waiter arrived, and the rabbi ordered roast suckling pig.

  • Religious Customs

    torah scrollA young scholar from New York was invited to become Rabbi in a small old community in Chicago.

    On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupted as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten Commandments.

    The next day, the rabbi visited 98-year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home.

    "Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our synagogue's custom during the reading of the Ten Commandments?"

    "Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz.

    "Yesterday we read the Ten Commandments. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down... "

    "That," said the old man, "is our custom."