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Prisoner Jokes

  • From British Newspapers

    newspaper1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."

    - The Daily Telegraph

    2) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.

    - The Guardian

  • Houdini Wannabe

    handcuffA deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

    Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."

  • Last Requests

    jail breakTwo men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their Maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said among the participants.

    The warden, turning to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"

    The man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you please play the Macarena for me one last time?"

    "Certainly," replied the warden.

    He turned to the other man and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"

    "Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

  • Motherly Pride

    senior women 2Two mothers were talking about their sons.

    The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years."

    The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only has he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time."

    "My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud."

    "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party."