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Heaven Jokes

  • Dead Seagull

    man son2A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

    "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. 

    "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied.

    The boy thought a moment and then said,

    "Did God throw him back down?"

  • Ducks in Heaven

    duckThree guys got into a car crash and all died. When they got up to heaven and met St. Peter at the gates, Peter said, "Okay everyone can come in, but whatever you do don't step on a duck."

    The gates opened and they saw there were ducks everywhere; all over the ground, on tabletops, on the gold paved streets - everywhere!

  • Want To Go To Heaven

    clouds openingFather Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first man he met, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

    The man said, "I do Father."

    The priest said, "Leave this pub right now!"  He then approached a second man.  "Do you want to got to heaven?"

    "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.  "Then leave this den of Satan!" said the priest.

    Father Murphy then walked up to O'Toole and asked, "Do you want to go to heaven?" O'Toole replied: "No, I don't Father."

    The priest looked him right in the eye and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

    O'Toole smiled, "Oh, when I die.  Yes Father.  I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."