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Engineer Jokes

  • hot air balloonA man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

    The man below says, "Yes, You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are at 38.6927569 degrees Latitude, and -121.26618200000001 longitude".

    "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

    "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost and you are of no help to me."

    The man below says, "You must be a manager."

    "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

    "Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going, You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

  • guillotine pictureA priest, a drunkard, and an engineer were led to the guillotine for their crimes. The executioner pulled the priest forward first and asked him if he wanted to be facing up or down when he met his face.

    "Upward," said the priest. "I want to be looking toward heaven when I die."

    The blade zoomed downward, but stopped just an inch short of the priest's throat. All assembled agreed that it was divine intervention, and let the priest go free.

    The drunkard was pulled forward next, and decided to copy the priest, hoping he would get as lucky. Again the blade zoomed down but stopped just short of the drunkard's throat. So the authorities released him as well.
    It was finally the engineer's turn. 

    He, like the others, decided to face upward. The blade slowly raised back into place. "Oh, hey, I think I know what the problem is." The engineer exclaimed.  "That cable to the left appears to be catching the rope!"