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Self-Righteousness Illustrations

  • Integrity #2

    failure targetA male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down he walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

    The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."

    "Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use a restroom!"

    "Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in there — and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"

    "Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll look the other way!"

  • Judgement, Self Righteousness, Assumption

    smoking2A man sees another leaning against the wall of a large building. The second man is puffing away, one cigarette after another.

    The nonsmoker says, "Sir, I couldn't help noticing how you chain-smoke. How many packs do you smoke a day?"

    "Four."

    "How long have you been smoking?"

  • Pedigree

    flower bunchA stuffy old dowager was explaining to the Jewish florist how she wanted the flowers arranged at the DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution) meeting to celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence.

    "Actually," she said, "one of my ancestors was present at the presentation of the document to the Congress."

    "How very nice." replied Morris the florist.

    "One of my mine was present at the presentation of the Ten Commandments to the world."

  • Perfection

    traffic cameraAn off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.

    "This guy must have mixed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.

    A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

  • Racism First Class

    A British Airways flight between South Africa and Britain had some tension.On a BA flight from Johannesburg, a middle-aged, well-off white South African Lady has found herself sitting next to a black man. She called the cabin crew attendant over to complain about her seating.

    "What seems to be the problem Madam?" asked the attendant.

    "Can't you see?" she said, " You've sat me next to a kafir. I can't possibly sit next to this disgusting human. Find me another seat!"

  • Self-Righteous Son

    boy soccerballThanks to List member Dannette from Ohio for this true story about her son.

    When my son was 4, I was in a Women's Bible Study group. They had classes for children as well, while we studied in our groups. One day, as my son and I were walking to our car, he said to me, "Mom, I'm not going to sin anymore."

    You can imagine my pride at hearing this. Then I got to wondering why he said this, so I asked him.

    His answer was quick: "Jesus said if you don't sin, you can throw the first stone, and I want to throw the first stone."

    - Dannette from Ohio

  • Self-Righteousness

    Self-righteousnessTwo elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of the church listening to a fiery preacher.

    When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out, "Amen, Brother!"

    When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, "You preach it, Reverend!"

  • Self-Righteousness Committee

    A self-righteous speechPraise God, everyone! Welcome to our annual membership re-commitment committee. Think of this as a tune-up for the soul. We're going to run a diagnostic on your spiritual life to make sure you're still committed.

    My name?

    Call me God's Enforcer. And no, there are no other committee members. Yes, it was sad to watch them go but, alas, they wouldn't measure up to The Standard. Huh? Well, I set The Standard. That's my job.

    Shall we begin? 

  • Ten Commandments Obedience

    couple oldBernie and Esther were not the most religious couple and in fact, they really only went to church once a year.

    As they were leaving the church, the minister said, "Bernie, it sure would be nice to see you and Esther here more than once a year!"

    "I know," replied Bernie, "but at least we keep the Ten Commandments."

    "That's great," the minister said. "I'm glad to hear that you keep the Commandments."

    "Yep," Bernie said proudly, "Esther keeps six of them and I keep the other four."

  • Three Powerful Words

    personA funny story is told about General George Patton from his World War II days. He once accepted an invitation to dine at a press camp in Africa. Wine was served in canteen cups but, obviously thinking he was served coffee, Patton poured cream into his cup. As he stirred in sugar, Patton was warned that his cup contained red wine and not coffee.

    Now, General Patton could never, never be wrong. Without hesitating he replied, "I know. I like my wine this way." And he drank it!