"Look man I hate Jesus Christ. He is a f***ing g*y b***ard and I never liked him so send me no more emails about the b***ard."
Pastor Tim replied:
"Really? When did you meet him and form this opinion?"
Hey Pastor Tim!
How are you? I just wanted to send you a quick thank you for recomending eHarmony to me several months ago. I have met the most wonderful girl, her name is (removed for privacy). I am very supprised at how much we have in common. If I were to put in a special order to God for the perfect girl I don't think I would have done any better.
I wouldn't have tried it if you hadn't recomended it, so thank you.Rev. (removed for privacy)
DEAR PASTOR TIM,
WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON THE REPUBATED ANTI-BIBLICAL BILL THAT WAS PAST TO ALLOW REPUBATES TO MARRY?
MY OPINION IS AS FOLLOWS: I AM THOROUGHLY DISGUSTED WITH CANADA AND THE FACT THAT THE GOVERNMENT PAST SUCH AN EVIL BILL. ANYBODY WITH HALF A BRAIN KNOWS THAT EVEN DOGS KNOW BETTER THAN THESE REPUBATED PEOPLE.
WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE I AM VERY UPSET ABOUT THIS SAME-SEX MARRIAGE LAW. I JUST WISH MORE CHRISTIANS WOULD HAVE SPOKEN UP AND THEN MAYBE GOD WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING ABOUT IT. NOW, I FEAR THAT HE WILL AND NOBODY WILL LIKE WHAT HE WILL DO. OH WELL, I GUESS WE ALL KNEW . . .
I Don't like what your sending me so BACK OFF!!
You are an idoit!!!!
I replied:Dear Jessica, I've removed you from my lists. BTW, "Idoit" is spelled "idiot". (Thanks for the laugh.)
Wish you had harped a bit on the possible dire consequences of anyone removing an airbag just for gratification of "self-pleasurings".
I'm unsubscribing from this Digest now, by the way, because you have failed to show the compassion incumbent on a true pastor of the flock.
Or maybe, to you (and many other insensitive Americans like you) only issues that directly impact the USA are worthy of concern...in which case I, an African in Africa, should expect nothing but generalised "soul-less" platitudes from you in the event of our experiencing any disasters...since you've remained (at least in your publications to date!) impervious even to the terror of 7/7 London.
Remain blessed, and may God lead you aright.
The world (and unfortunately some churches) have many discontented people and spiritual bullies. So when you try to uplift, entertain and encourage people, (and maybe even make them laugh) it only stands to reason that every now and then someone is going to go off the deep end on you. On the internet that deep end usually manifests itself through a vitrious and gall filled e-mail sent so the author can get his/her jollies by blasting you (otherwise known as a "flame").
Here is a collection of some of the more entertaining flames I have received. Don't worry about me. I've been around enough to know that such people come with the territory. Only, my approach is different that most other's. Most usually just get quiet or apologize in order to either placate the flamer and avoid getting burned up totally.
Me, I'd rather have a good laugh at their expense (after all I didn't make them type what they typed) and, in the case where they may attend the church I pastor, tell them to straighten up or go find another church to wreck.
Nobody eats sheep while this shepherd is on duty!
To quote actress Sally Field,
"You like me.? You really like me!"
Here are some of the notes of appreciation?I have received.