Monthly Archive

"When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive....So I took her to a gas station!" read more..

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button." - Sam Levenson read more..

"My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it's time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature." - Kevin Hench read more..

"I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the read more..

"There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, that it ill behooves any of us to find fault with the rest of us." - James Truslow Adams read more..

"The MORE you sweat in training the LESS you bleed in battle." read more..

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - Will Rogers read more..

"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers." - Pablo Picasso read more..

"Be more like a child today, for children sing whether they sound good or not." read more..

"So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work." - Peter Drucker read more..

"The telegraph is like a very long cat; you pull the tail in New York and it meows in Los Angeles. Radio operates the same way, but without a cat." - Albert Einstein read more..

"I don't even know what street Canada is on." - Al Capone read more..

"You're too good for him." - Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA. "No wonder you always go home alone." - Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly read more..

"If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse." read more..

"The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they al read more..

"The trouble with using experience as a guide is that the final exam often comes before the lesson." read more..

"Trial by jury is the palladium of our liberties. I do not know what a palladium is, but I am sure it is a good thing!" - Mark Twain read more..

"A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children." - Dave Barry read more..

"[Arnold Schwarzenegger and I] both married above ourselves, we both have trouble with the English language, we both have big biceps -- well, two out of three aren't bad." - George W. Bush read more..

"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." - Bernard Bailey read more..

"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a congressman." - Bruce Baum read more..

"Maybe we should sell handguns by prescription only, and let people buy Prozac at trade shows." read more..

"All you need for happiness is a good gun, a good horse, and a good wife." - Daniel Boone read more..

"Hope is hearing the melody of the future. Faith is to dance to it now." - Richard Alves, Quoted in "When I Lay My Isaac Down" by Carol Kent read more..

"A good listener is usually thinking about something else." - Kin Hubbard read more..

"After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an automobile accident, you begin to worry about history." read more..

"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which everyone has plenty; not on your past misfortunes of which we all have some." - Charles Dickens read more..

"I ran out of ice cream bars the other day, and I cried. Then I remembered Alexander the Great, and how he wept when there were no more worlds to conquer. How very much alike we are, I thought." - M read more..

"Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." - Wendell Johnson read more..

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." - Winston Churchill read more..