logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Addicted to Thinking

It started out innocently enough.  I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up.  Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.  I began to think on the job.  I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka.  I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either.  One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.  She spent that night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker.  One day the boss called me in.  He said, "I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.  If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss.  "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver.

"You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry.
I'd had enough.  "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.  I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche.  I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors...  they didn't open.  The library was closed.  As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye.  "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?"
it asked.  You probably recognize that line.  It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.  I never miss a TA meeting.

At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's."

Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.  I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed...  easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    18 Things That Never Happened On Star Trek

    *18 Things That Never Happened On Star Trek*1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious…
  • Default Image

    Vacuum Repair

    My sister has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home-repair…
  • Default Image

    Sewing Lesson

    My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to…
  • Default Image

    Analytical Gunfighters

    Two analytical chemists in the Wild West are on the town's main street, ready to draw…
  • Default Image

    Anti Stress Diet

    This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that…
  • house brick

    House Points

    "This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad…
  • lasagna

    Proposal Reaction

    A young man confided to his mother that he had proposed to his girlfriend and they were…
  • steak2

    Bigger Piece

    One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took…
  • Default Image

    Horse Batter

    On the first day of Spring Training, a baseball scout brings a horse with him to add to…
  • Default Image

    Swindled

    A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it.…
  • A funny diatribe about children and parenting

    Lamentation For Our Kids

    This is rather lengthy but funny. *Laws Pertaining to Dessert* For we judge between the…
  • university building

    Evaluation Excerpts

    These are actual excerpts from college course evaluation forms: 1. "The textbook is…
  • Default Image

    One Little Square

    A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mum, what`s…
  • single red_rose

    Memory Clinic

    Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the…
  • Default Image

    Top Signs Your Company is Planning a Layoff

    *Top Signs Your Company is Planning a Layoff* 1. CEO frequently overheard mumbling,…