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More Jokes

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    Calling In Sick

    Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of…
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    Employee of the Month

    Chuck Rogers, a self employed marketing consultant, has won his company's 'Employee of…
  • parachute 82nd Airborne

    Airborne Recruiting

    After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could…
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    The Vending Machine

    A goober named Laura is at a local zoo and comes across a vending machine, which she has…
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    Birthday Wish

    A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday."I'd like a little…
  • fishing charter

    Just Pretend

    Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband…
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    New Phonetic Alphabet

    The same old standard phonetic alphabet (which you would use to describe spelling…
  • Tourist asks cabbie if Israel is really a healthy country.

    Healthy Tourism

    Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Israel. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson…
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    Military Intials

    When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary…
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    Wake Up Call

    An elderly gentleman checked into a New York hotel. The clerk mentioned the phone service…
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    Taps System

    During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me…
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    Australia Q & A

    These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website: the answers…
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    SPCA Rescue

    "Hello, hello?" shrilled a spinsterish voice over the phone. "Is this the SPCA?""Yes.""I…
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    Collateral

    I accompanied my husband when he went to get a haircut. Reading a magazine, I found a…
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    Zookeeper's Dilemma

    A zookeeper wanted to get some extra animals for his zoo, so he decided to compose a…

microphoneDumb Sports Quotes

*"And here's Moses Kiptanui, the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago." 
(David Coleman)

*"Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs." 
(David Coleman)

*"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite." 
(Murray Walker)

*Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry. What chance do you think Germany has of getting through? 
Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50."

*"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost."
(Frank Bruno)

*"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people." 
(David Coleman)

*"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical." 
(Murray Walker)

*"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." 
(Greg Norman)

*"There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."
(Alan Minter)

*"Watch the time. It gives you an indication of how fast they are running."
(Ron Pickering)

*"That's inches away from being millimeter perfect." 
(Ted Lowe)

*"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely round."
(Tony Crozier)

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