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    Actual Medical Records

    The following are actual medical records taken from patients' charts around North…
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    Laundry Husband

    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he…
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    Train Candy Bar

    Little Johnny and his friend Billy were on their very first train ride, with Billy's…
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    Canine Complex

    A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidberg, and sat down to…
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    Sidewalk Meeting

    Bumping into a woman on the sidewalk, the Tom Cruise look-alike apologized, "Pardon me!"…
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    Camping with Holmes

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of…
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    One Question Interview

    A handyman, who was working for a Synagogue, had asked for a raise and was turned down.…
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    Some Great Malapropisms...

    "I don't want anybody stepping on anyone else's thunder.""You can't pull the sheep over…
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    Country Boys

    These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it…
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    Jonah Test

    A little girl was observed by her pastor standing outside the pre-school Sunday School…
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    More Bulletin Bloopers

    *More Bulletin Bloopers*The youth group has raised almost $500 for drug…
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    Top Ten Y2K Survivalists To Do Lis

    10. Apologize to neighbors about the tripwire incident...offer to replace dog. 9. Take up…
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    Penguin Breakdown

    There was this truck driver who had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As…
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    Things You Will Never Hear

    Things you'll never hear a man say: 1) Here honey, you use the remote. 2) Ooh, Antonio…
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    Chemistry Stir

    This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to…

Man injured by fallen raccoon

A couple of goobers in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.  One goober walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.  He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours."

"Alright.  How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check."

After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time.  We're gonna build a house."

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