Monthly Archive

Grandchildren are God's reward for you not killing your own children.... read more..

Growing old has one advantage - you never have to do it over again.... read more..

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?... read more..

Home computers are the perfect thing for women who don't feel that men provide them with enough frustration.... read more..

How come you never see Cupid with a girlfriend?... read more..

How do they get the 'Do not walk on grass' signs way out in the middle of the lawn?... read more..

I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.... read more..

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone.... read more..

I have a speech impediment... my foot.... read more..

I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be.- Spike Donner from Ruminations... read more..

I hope that after I die, people will say of me, "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."... read more..

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.... read more..

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" but just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"... read more..

I married Miss Right - I just didn't know her first name was Always.... read more..

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.(Greg Norman)... read more..

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction - I get to the end and say, "Well, that's not going to happen."... read more..

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.- Marcus Brigstocke... read more..

I think Bill Gates is so rich because he got his wish when he said, "I wish I had a nickel for every time this PC rebooted!"- Chris Caswell... read more..

I tried doing stand-up once but everyone just laughed at me.- Ziggy... read more..

I was having dinner with world chess champion Garry Kasparov - our table had a check tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass me the salt.... read more..

I went through hypnosis to lose weight . . . how much does $120 weigh?... read more..

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.... read more..

I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole!... read more..

If Alexander Graham Bell had a teenage daughter, he never would have invented the telephone.... read more..

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!... read more..

If God had wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.... read more..

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.- Jack Lemmon... read more..

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire - they're trained for that.- Milton Jones... read more..

I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.... read more..

In high school, I was voted the girl most likely to become a nun - that may not be impressive to you, but it was quite an accomplishment at the Hebrew Academy.- Rita Rudner... read more..