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    Ash Request

    A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me…
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    2 Best Recipes

    Newlywed Wife: "The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie."Newlywed Husband:…
  • store sign

    Don't Have Any

    A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do…
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    Shakespearean in Dallas

    A kid and his mom were walking on the sidewalk in Dallas. The kid, being 100% Texan, upon…
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    Come and Get Me

    My brother dropped off his wife at the hairstylist and she was supposed to call me when…
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    Pie Manners

    In a country home that seldom had guests, the young son was eager to help his mother…
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    Astronomers Declare February No Longer a Month

    Emboldened by their success in declaring Pluto not a planet, the International…
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    Country Refreshment

    A man was on a long walk in the country. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little…
  • factory

    20 Like You

    A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish…
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    Goober Motivation

    One day a goober was hiking up to an old camp. There was an outhouse along the way, so he…
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    Raise Plea

    The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise…
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    Golf course, may I help you?

    Staff: Golf course, may I help you? Caller: What are your green fees? Staff: 38 dollars.…
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    Signs You are Broke

    SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE 1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"2. Your…
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    Left Behind

    "You just go ahead," the man in the shopping mall said to his wife. "While you're…
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    Cutting Class

    "Jill," a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, "do you mind telling me whose…

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the e-mails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

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