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    Meatloaf

    A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make…
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    Trojan Virus Warning

    Hey Hector, This was forwarded to me by Cassandra--it looks legit. Please distribute to…
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    Time Off

    Two men working in a factory were talking. "I know how to get some time off," said…
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    Suitor Approval

    A good friend of mine warned me that, as my three daughters became old enough to date,…
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    Free to Go

    Jon and Amanpreet were in an institution. This place had an annual contest where they…
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    Forced Landing

    A flight instructor was sent out to help a student who had radioed that he was about to…
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    Dog Report

    Craig's two kids are in the same class at school, and the teacher had the class write…
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    Keyboard Jockey Exercise

    For those keyboard jockeys (those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day)…
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    Things My Mother Taught Me

    My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go…
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    Shoplifter Excuse

    My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was…
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    Price of Oranges

    Mrs. Goldberg was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the…
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    Leaky Pipe

    A lady answered her front door to find a plumber standing there. "I'm here to fix the…
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    Strange Problem

    A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day."Doc, there's something…
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    Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear A Dad Say

    10. Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.…
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    Pastoral Visit

    After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited…

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the e-mails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

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