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    Chewed Out Answer

    A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets, and as he was walking away, he…
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    Signs You've Chosen a "No Frills" Airline

    You can't board the plane unless you have the exact change. Before you take off, the…
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    Refrigerator Goals

    When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the…
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    A Job Worse Than Yours

    The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant named Calle who has a chronic illness, requiring…
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    Just Pretend

    Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband…
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    Labor Costs

    A man having lunch at a Chinese restaurant noticed that the table had been set with…
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    Second Try

    Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one…
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    Car Names Explained

    "Car Names Explained"(My car is in here so don't be offended if yours is too!)AUDI -…
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    Goodbye From George

    George had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out his Last Will and…
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    Where's Mommy

    One evening after dinner, a five-year-old boy noticed that his mother had gone out and he…
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    Strangest Dream

    "I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his psychiatrist."I saw my…
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    Signs You are Broke

    SIGNS YOU ARE BROKE 1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"2. Your…
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    Thank You Cards

    My first stop on my vacation was my sister's house in Montana. She's extremely organized.…
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    Emergency Flowers

    I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was…
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    Dog Breeding Made Absurd

    ~ Pointer + Setter = Pointsetter, a traditional Christmas pet ~ Kerry Blue Terrier + Skye…

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the e-mails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your e-mail. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over....)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

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