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Congratulations "Good" News!

* The parachute company says you'll get a full refund.

* They say the house didn't float very far at all.

* We're all amazed that you go on living each day.

* Well, at least the operation was a partial success.

* The "National Enquirer" just loved those pictures of you at work.

* The insects hardly touched your other eyebrow.

* The District Attorney says he only has a few more questions.

* Jerry Springer wants to surprise you on his show.

* The reward for your capture has reached fifty thousand dollars.

* At least we never thought you were guilty like that Jury did.

* The insurance pays the full book value ($312) for your 1956 T Bird.

* The thieves left the push lawn mower and hedge trimmers.

* Those Grand Juries always over-react. Don't worry about it.

* The boss said while you're sick, he'd do all your work personally.
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