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    4th Grade Experiment

    The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she…
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    For Charlotte

    A DJ was introducing a record. "This next one," he said, "is for Charlotte Burke, who is…
  • car old

    Car Ads

    If the car ad claims these items, it really means: - rough condition = too bad to lie…
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    Marine Comeback

    During mail call one evening at Marine Corps boot camp, I received several letters from…
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    What's Wrong Now?

    My friend, an ex-Marine Aviator wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane. I was…
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    Medically Speaking

    The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he…
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    Utensil Rejection

    My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set…
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    That's the Way . . .

    Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put…
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    Broken Scale

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Tongue and Eggs

    A fellow went into a restaurant and asked, 'What's the special of the day?' The waiter…
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    Australian Vacation

    On a vacation to Australia, a Texas farmer meets an Aussie farmer and starts talking to…
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    911 Sees All

    Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of…
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    Hearing Request

    During a January revival an evangelist asked the people in line what they needed.One…
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    General Motors Help Line

    General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to drive, because…
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    Cheap Loan

    Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York…
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."

Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed sheep on front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting inadvertently left out the word "sheep."

In one edition of today's Food Section, an inaccurate number of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's South-western chicken salad recipe.  The recipe should call for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers.

In the City Beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is "Dewey." Another firefighter is nicknamed "Weirdo." We apologize for our mistake.

Our article about Jewish burial customs contained an error: Mourners' clothing is rent -- that is, torn -- not rented.

The marriage of Miss Freda van Amburg and Willie Branton, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct.

Sleeping on a Sealy Mattress is like sleeping on a cloud. Not clod.

It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.

In Frank Washburn's March column, Rebecca Varney was erroneously identified as a bookmaker. She is a typesetter.

There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting.

Just to keep the record straight, it was the famous Whistler's Mother, not Hitler's, that was exhibited. There is nothing to be gained in trying to explain how this error occurred.

Correction -- the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: "Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m." Please correct to read "12 noon."

Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police farce. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.

In a recent edition, we referred to the chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca. The Gazette regrets the error.
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