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    Connecting Chaos

    The fur began to fly when my fellow airline passengers learned there was a chance they…
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    Correct Response

    While in an instrument flight-training class at Reese Air Force Base, Texas, I dozed off…
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    If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation

    Picard: Sigma Indri, that's the star,So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship…
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    Newcomer Court

    "Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be…
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    Who Said That?

    If quitters never win, & winners never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're…
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    Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support Line

    Etch-A-Sketch Technical Support Line Calls Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny…
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    Wrapping Talk

    A few days after Christmas last year, my six year old son and I were talking.He asked,…
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    Birth Wharp

    Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was…
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    Rare Steak

    A cattle rancher went into town on a Saturday night for a sit-down steak dinner. When the…
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    The Night Before Y2K

    'Twas the night before New Year,and all through the nation,We awaited Y2K,the millennium…
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    F1 - Help

    My friend was on duty in the main computer lab on a quiet afternoon when he noticed a…
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    I Just Can't Drive Today

    For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I carpooled…
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    Environ-mental

    My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set…
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    How to Make Life Simpler

    Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and…
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    Resume Examples

    These are real examples from real resumes:*Reasons For Leaving Last Job*- Responsibility…
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words "state zip code" should have read "pull rip cord."

Apology: I originally wrote, "Woodrow Wilson's wife grazed sheep on front lawn of the White House." I'm sorry that typesetting inadvertently left out the word "sheep."

In one edition of today's Food Section, an inaccurate number of jalapeno peppers was given for Jeanette Crowley's South-western chicken salad recipe.  The recipe should call for two, not 21, jalapeno peppers.

In the City Beat section of Friday's paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is "Dewey." Another firefighter is nicknamed "Weirdo." We apologize for our mistake.

Our article about Jewish burial customs contained an error: Mourners' clothing is rent -- that is, torn -- not rented.

The marriage of Miss Freda van Amburg and Willie Branton, which was announced in this paper a few weeks ago, was a mistake which we wish to correct.

Sleeping on a Sealy Mattress is like sleeping on a cloud. Not clod.

It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.

In Frank Washburn's March column, Rebecca Varney was erroneously identified as a bookmaker. She is a typesetter.

There was a mistake in an item sent in two weeks ago which stated that Ed Burnham entertained a party at crap shooting. It should have been trap shooting.

Just to keep the record straight, it was the famous Whistler's Mother, not Hitler's, that was exhibited. There is nothing to be gained in trying to explain how this error occurred.

Correction -- the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: "Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m." Please correct to read "12 noon."

Our newspaper carried the notice last week that Mr. Oscar Hoffnagle is a defective on the police farce. This was a typographical error. Mr. Hoffnagle is, of course, a detective on the police farce.

In a recent edition, we referred to the chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca. The Gazette regrets the error.
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