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    Pastors' Good News/Bad News

    Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.Bad News: You lost two of them in…
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    Sports Injury

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  • telephone pole

    Prayer Postions

    Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman…
  • aging-beauty

    Getting Older

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    Collectable Receipts

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    Flying Blind

    One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting…
  • peat moss

    No ID

    A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal…
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    Return Policy

    The store's policy on returns was prominently posted at every register as well as…
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    Forest Fire Fly By

    The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest…
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    Distraught Senior

    A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office."Is it true," she wanted to know,…
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    Software Training

    A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of…
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    Excerpts from Pet Diaries

    From the Dog.Day number 1808:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!9:30 am - OH BOY! A…
  • plane passenger window

    On Time

    The passengers were leaving the plane after landing, and one smiling, satisfied passenger…
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    Dad and Surgeon

    This older man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,…
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    Grandfather Putt

    Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick 45-foot, downhill putt.…

picture of letters*How to speak English Properly*

  1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
  2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
  4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
  6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
  7. Be more or less specific.
  8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  10. No sentence fragments.
  11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
  12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
  14. One should NEVER generalize.
  15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
  20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
  21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
  22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
  23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
  24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
  25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
  26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
  30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    And the last one...
  31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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