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More Jokes

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    Macho Dude

    A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho", and went out walking with one of…
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    Pop Rocks

    Cassie was taking two of her Grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio…
  • Kit Kat

    Favorite Candy

    Our phone rang late one night, and my wife Nancy picked it up. She said, "KitKat," and…
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    Drum Sounds

    A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty…
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    Think!

    In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed a sign directly above the…
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    Goober Grave Readers

    Three goobers, Bubba, Earl and Jeb, were walking home late one night and found themselves…
  • telephone

    Get Your Sister

    A salesman telephoned a household and a young boy answered. "May I speak to your mother?"…
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    Bell Call

    The scene: Alexander Graham Bell's laboratory.An exciting new discovery is about to take…
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    Flower System

    An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his…
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    Parking Space Sign Language

    After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping…
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    Bear Flight

    During Operation Desert Storm, I was a legislative affairs officer for Gen. Norman…
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    Dusty Comeback

    My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.One evening my dad returned home from work,…
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    Camping with Holmes

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of…
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    Professionalism Test

    Read this out loud:This is this catThis is is catThis is how catThis is to catThis is…
  • colors

    Colorful Grandma

    I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I…

picture of letters*How to speak English Properly*

  1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
  2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
  4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
  6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
  7. Be more or less specific.
  8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  10. No sentence fragments.
  11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
  12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
  14. One should NEVER generalize.
  15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
  20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
  21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
  22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
  23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
  24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
  25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
  26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
  30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    And the last one...
  31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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