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More Jokes

  • A joke about two hunters lost in the forest.

    Lost Goober Hunters

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here. My uncle Joe and…
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    You and Your Boss: The Subtle Differences

    If you take a long time, you're slow. But if your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.…
  • pinata

    Moving Label

    Having moved 15 times during our 37-year marriage, my husband and I appreciate movers who…
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    Buffalo Comments

    Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said, "Those are the…
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    Medical Term Needed

    The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he…
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    Puzzled Border Guard

    Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his…
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    Wrapping Talk

    A few days after Christmas last year, my six year old son and I were talking.He asked,…
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    Genius

    A guy did system support in a law firm. One day, he had to log a user off and then back…
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    Ski Wax

    As a ski instructor, I sometimes tease my little pupils. Once I told seven year old Luke…
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    Eulogy

    The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked…
  • taxi-zone-sign

    Taxi Grad

    A young man had just graduated from Harvard and was so excited just thinking about his…
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    Zoo Trip

    Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his…
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    New Russian

    I just returned from a mission trip in Belarus, where we were building churches. My…
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    Thrown Off Horse

    I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day, I went…
  • Kit Kat

    Favorite Candy

    Our phone rang late one night, and my wife Nancy picked it up. She said, "KitKat," and…

picture of letters*How to speak English Properly*

  1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
  2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
  4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
  6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
  7. Be more or less specific.
  8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  10. No sentence fragments.
  11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
  12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
  14. One should NEVER generalize.
  15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
  20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
  21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
  22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
  23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
  24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
  25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
  26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
  30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    And the last one...
  31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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