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    Eye Exam

    Eye-examination charts vary according to the manufacturer, but one thing they have in…
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    Hearing Test

    A man goes to his doctor and says "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used…
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    Nativity Quiz

    A minister is visiting his children to celebrate Christmas. When he walks into the house,…
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    Hans Olaffsen's Laundry

    Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants,…
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    Environ-mental

    My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set…
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    Toucan Yell

    Driving along an outback road in Australia, I spied an exotic bird flying overhead. The…
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    Grandpa And The Computer

    *Grandpa And The Computer*The computer swallowed GrandpaYes honestly, its true.He pressed…
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    Goober Vacuum

    It's been a while since we saw a goober joke on the CleanLaugh list. For those who don't…
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    Diary

    Linda: "What's that you're reading?"Jill: "A diary."Linda: What's in it?Jill: "I can't…
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    A Few Shelves

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Bungee Jumping

    Two entrepreneurs, Jack and John, decided to start a bungee-jumping business south of the…
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    Reunion Pride

    My wife and I were at my high school reunion.As I looked around, I noticed the other men…
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    Flight Advice

    On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was…
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    Lunch and Learn

    The company I work for sometimes holds "Lunch and Learn" seminars for employees during…
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picture of letters*How to speak English Properly*

  1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
  2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
  3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
  4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
  5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
  6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
  7. Be more or less specific.
  8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
  9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  10. No sentence fragments.
  11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
  12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
  13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
  14. One should NEVER generalize.
  15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
  16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
  17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
  18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
  19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
  20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
  21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
  22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
  23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
  24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
  25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
  26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
  27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
  28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
  29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
  30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
    And the last one...
  31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
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