logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

I'm Aging Gracefully

woman oldI'm the life of the party ... even when it lasts until 8 p.m

I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.

I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, antacid ...

I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.

I'm very good at telling stories ... over and over and over and over.

I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

I'm so cared for: long term care, eye care, private care, dental care ...

I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians ...

I'm positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.

I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy ... and that's just my left leg.

I'm having trouble remembering simple words like ...

I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.

I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies!

I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory ...

I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.

I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors: absolutely nothing!

I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.

I'm in the initial stage of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA'S, AARP.

I'm supporting all movements now ... by eating bran, prunes, and raisins.

I'm a walking storeroom of facts ... I've just lost the storeroom.

I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!!!

Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I would send it to many more! You didn't, did you???????

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Broken Scale

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
  • Default Image

    Sunday Complaints

    After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this…
  • Default Image

    Resume Help

    My husband, an auto mechanic, was looking for higher-paying work and asked me to write…
  • Default Image

    CD Generation

    After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover…
  • Default Image

    Hybrid Car

    My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the…
  • doctor office

    Little Voice

    A man walks into his doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I've eaten something that…
  • mom and child

    Please and Thank You

    While on maternity leave, a woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy. She…
  • Default Image

    Leaving the Farm

    A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the…
  • Default Image

    Compliments to the Chef

    I have a reputation for not being a fantastic cook. One evening I worked particularly…
  • Default Image

    Are You a Policeman?

    A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?""No, I am an undercover…
  • Default Image

    Isn't Aging Fun?

    Do you realize that the only time in our liveswhen we like to get old is when we're…
  • Default Image

    Hypo Teen

    Our neighbor used the word hypochondriac to describe the phase her teen-age daughter was…
  • Default Image

    Tow Request

    The minister's car wouldn't start and so he called the garage to come and tow it in for…
  • picture of letters

    How To Speak English Properly

    *How to speak English Properly* Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. Prepositions are…
  • Default Image

    Jeep Stuck

    During training exercises, the green lieutenant was driving down a muddy back road. He…