logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

I'm Aging Gracefully

woman oldI'm the life of the party ... even when it lasts until 8 p.m

I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.

I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.

I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, antacid ...

I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.

I'm very good at telling stories ... over and over and over and over.

I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

I'm so cared for: long term care, eye care, private care, dental care ...

I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians ...

I'm positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.

I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy ... and that's just my left leg.

I'm having trouble remembering simple words like ...

I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.

I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies!

I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory ...

I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.

I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors: absolutely nothing!

I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.

I'm in the initial stage of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA'S, AARP.

I'm supporting all movements now ... by eating bran, prunes, and raisins.

I'm a walking storeroom of facts ... I've just lost the storeroom.

I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!!!

Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I would send it to many more! You didn't, did you???????

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Patient Problem

    When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his…
  • squirrel 2

    Children's Message

    A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service,…
  • phone2

    Mike's Girlfriend

    After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him --…
  • accent boy

    Accents

    About a year ago my sister, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old…
  • Default Image

    Flying Follies

    Each year, Chicago Center saves the top 20 excerpts from conversations between airline…
  • plane-passenger-window

    Computerized Airline

    The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without…
  • Amish Law

    Amish Law

    An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning. An electric company worker handed…
  • Default Image

    Mint Mom

    When the U.S. Mint reissued two-dollar bills, I thought they might someday become…
  • woman excited

    Waiting for Years

    We had built our dream house some years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we…
  • car old

    Battery Life

    An angry motorist went back to a garage where he had purchased an expensive battery for…
  • warning sign clown

    Wacky Warnings

    Here are the top five winning entries in the Wacky Warning Labels contest, sponsored by…
  • Default Image

    Horseshoe Look

    One day a cowboy walked into a blacksmith shop and picked up a horseshoe, not realizing…
  • Default Image

    That's Hospital Coverage!

    Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for…
  • Default Image

    Service

    A woman walked up to the manager of a department store."Are you hiring any help?" she…
  • Default Image

    The Politician Dance

    There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you…