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  • couple4

    Retirement Savings

    Shirley and Abe, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami Beach, are getting…
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    Hymns For Professionals

    DENTIST: Crown Him with many crownsCONTRACTORS: The church's one foundationOBSTETRICIANS:…
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    The Cautious Pilot

    Taxiing down the tarmac, a jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the…
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    Death Statistic

    A lady on a commuter train was reading a newspaper article about life and death…
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    Drought Conditions

    Two brothers, both farmers, were talking on the phone.One asked the other how bad the…
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    Get Moving

    While driving with my granddaughter, I was getting annoyed with the driver ahead of me…
  • law offices

    Lawyer Questions

    The following questions from lawyers (and answers from witnesses) were taken from…
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    Subway Drop

    The Manhattan Commuter train was packed. Suddenly there was a jingle on the floor. Most…
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    Senior Ailments

    A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: "My arms are…
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    40 Year Difference

    When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner,…
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    Engaged Beauty

    Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her…
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    Found Cell Phone

    When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers,…
  • childrens hands

    Starting Over

    The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have…
  • cat lying down

    Politically Correct Cat Terms

    Politically correct terms for cat owners: - My cat does not barf hairballs, he is a…
  • woman old

    End Nail Biting

    Two elderly women were fussing about their husbands over tea one day. "I do wish my Leroy…

Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?

Patron: There's a fly in my soup!

Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly isn't really there.

Patron: No, it's still there.

Waiter: Then it must be the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.

Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.

Waiter: This is starting to sound like an incompatibility issue. What kind of bowl are you using?

Patron: A SOUP bowl! The same one YOU served me!

Waiter: Hmmm, that usually works. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?

Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: At this point my best advice is for you to upgrade to the latest Soup of the Day.

Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??

Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.

Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?

Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.

Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

Waiter: (Leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.)

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.

Patron: This is potato soup.

Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.

Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.

Waiter: Enjoy! (Leaves.)

Patron: Waiter! There's another fly in my soup!

Waiter: That sir, is not a fly, it is a protein feature. We have included this enhancement for free with your soup upgrade.

Patron: This is completely UNACCEPTABLE!!!

Waiter: Well, according to the license agreement printed on the back of your latest napkin, we are not liable for the disliking of our product features. I believe we can close this ticket now. (Removes old check, and leaves a new one.)

Patron: (Reads the check:)

Soup of the Day $ 1.50 Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day $ 2.50 Access to support @ $ 5.00 per incident x 3 Incidents $15.00 Subtotal $19.00 Mandatory Gratuity (25%) $ 4.00*

Total $23.00

* Gratuity was calculated using an early Intel Pentium microprocessor

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