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    Pearl Dream

    After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl…
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    Goober Line Painter

    A goober who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was…
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    Headlines from 2050

    *Headlines from 2050* Florida to Be Re-admitted to Union Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten…
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    Battle Hymn of Term Finals

    Mine eyes have seen the horrorOf the ending of the termIt has poisoned all my spiritsLike…
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    Construction Noise

    During a beautiful spring afternoon, I was attending a music festival. Just as I stopped…
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    How To Give Your Cat A Pill

    I. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were…
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    Funny Boss

    The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a…
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    Eye Contact

    A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her…
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    Flying Follies

    Each year, Chicago Center saves the top 20 excerpts from conversations between airline…
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    Next Question

    In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the…
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    Coast Guard Keeping

    My daughter Michelle is the commander of a Coast Guard Cutter. When she gave my husband…
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    "Dilbert Quote" Contest

    A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to…
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    Died In The Service

    One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque…
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    Moving In Motivation

    My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While our new house was being built,…
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    "Grace"ous Host

    A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old…

At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.

"Is she in Paine or Hacking?" the school secretary asked.

"She feels fine," said the confused mom. "We have company and I'm keeping her home."

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