logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Birds and Bees

    Donald Ogden Stewart, the writer, had a son away at prep school. When the boy reached the…
  • passenger window on plane

    Popping Ears

    Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight.…
  • Default Image

    Hi Tech Watch

    A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train which leaves at 6:00 PM but he…
  • Default Image

    The Place for Grace

    When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away."Johnny wait until we…
  • single red_rose

    Memory Clinic

    Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the…
  • Default Image

    Quips to Ponder

    If your life takes a turn for the worse, remember that you are the one who is driving! My…
  • Default Image

    Sick Call

    Mr. Frobisher constantly called Dr. Wilson at all hours of the day and night and would…
  • Default Image

    Border Declaration

    Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co-worker Maureen and I decided to…
  • Default Image

    Weight Training

    My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me,…
  • Default Image

    Goober Puzzle

    One morning this goober calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have…
  • Default Image

    Formal Letter

    At the end of last semester, a fellow student complained about how he failed the English…
  • Default Image

    Ten Rules for Good Housekeeping

    Ten Rules for Good Housekeeping 1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when…
  • Default Image

    Tag Fad

    My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his…
  • Default Image

    Ask Jeeves

    My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the…
  • Default Image

    Strange Lawsuits

    An inmate filed a $5 million lawsuit against himself (he claimed that he violated his own…

"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68," he said cheerfully.

I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet. A mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck, wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"

I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.

That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.

Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"

All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."

I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

- Author unknown

Powered By JFBConnect